Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in DSD's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
11:38 pm	LOL - like some basterd child i leave behind Yes - Livejournal. First it was the old dayz of geocity websites, and then you came... and now you are but a mere piece of horrid blogs, marking some of my most trying times. I suppose i shalt leave my old angry letters. It was what i felt and believed at the time...nothing changes that but the editing of ones memories we often try. Though i still regret ever wasting any life with my one ex, i'm at least over the hump of misery that gripped my life in the darker days behind. i still get a nightmare now and then of something pertaining to her, but i just awake and look upon the angel i now share my bed with. I've come to think perhaps being with someone like me is not good. in fact, i am much more upon the position now of just approaching new woman as possible friends... rather than so desperately seeking someone to replace the void in my life. i truly grew accustomed to the security and closeness of a long relationship. Just as well - it was like a cancer i let rot and infect within far too much of my life and memories. Be weary traveler. The most dangerous enemy is your friends. The most crushing of events could be from that which you held so dear to the heart. But such is life. I know i've made plenty of mistakes, and i'll take all the blame. It was all my fault. I'm not easy to be with much less bother staying with. But i'm learning and hoping to fix what there is i can. My trust is severely damaged. Nothing could really fix that. Most everyone seems like they have the potential to exploit any side of humanities worst, just given the proper state and situation. anyways ~ catch me these days over on myspace username:puku ~peace Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 4th, 2006
7:32 am	*heart ripped clean through the cosmos.... omfg!!! so my ex is a total loser. She moved to MASSACHUSETTS to live with her internet fuck friend.... man.... i can't believe i wasted so much effort and life with that bitch. i so will die with mega regrets.... every fuckn moment i had to spend with her and all her issues. i hope the two of them fall in love and rot in hell. you plan to go to collage - maybe one day marry the one you've spent over six years with and then she becomes a total psycho and underneath it all is her itchen for some new dicken from pathetic fuckn internet losers like the king scumbag she hooked up with. well theres a curve ball my friends..... oh just ignore me - i'm sure i'll be ok one day - far from now..... i can't even make it through work without hearing like 50 fucking love songs. FUCK LOVE!!! and fuck you MINDY RICH!!!! you are the worst mistake i could ever make in this entire existance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a fucking.....man......and to think i thought i knew you - was i ever wrong ps - any asshole who wants to write to me that i'm over exadurating - go fuck yourself cuz you don't know what its like in my shoes Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: kill me now, kill me now (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 31st, 2006
2:20 am	*reaches for a smoke time i should disconnect all care *lights it up the bad guys have won and all we are slaves..... pascifists make good slaves - horrible people when it comes to dependability. My early childhood dreams are a mix of being in bliss while drawing with the naughbor girl.... i dunno how it could be but i think i was born sexually active. maybe my parents had my cradle their room.....probably wasn't a good idea. i'm like the kid who catches an interesting bug - but rather then let it go - i keep it to its last breath.... i had a frog once - named him freddie - but freddie would never eat the food i tried giving him - so slowly he took starvation over the flies i collected for him.... life is a mix of feeling pain and pleasure - if you do not feel this then you are just mechanical - a soulles tool no one usually reads this far - i rarely do - unless its someone i care about - but they've all gone and died - to me at least - i do not have capacity to care for anyone when i struggle to even give a shit for myself....but thats all emotion - i should easily let go for a second i was thinking how i loved my ferrets - only to find they escaped my room and were freely recking the home sted - such is a metaphor for my love life no - actually its my fault - i'm not well adjusted to settle for a relationship anywhere possible in my future other then the one i wed to my art... *last few breaths of clove left final thougts - it feels good to bitch and wine - if someone out there cares just as well - then i enjoy the sympathy. i'm only using this fucking lj to say what i feel. DA and myspace wants me to be something i'm not - which i am a whiney - mopey little bitch underneath everything i do. i never felt loved as a child and i think thats just a feeling thats stuck with me. *last toke good-night (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
7:38 pm	drugs and alot of sex would clearly remove some of my pain..... i lack both and truthfully don't even care for either..... i guess I'm just fuckt then... i never really gave a shit for livejournel - but at least i can get away from obnoxious ads and most of all people that i utterly hate.... if they were on here - i can at least go on without noticing their presence yeah yeah - miss ya too jes... i miss half the people i once could just BS with most any day... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:45 am	multi-variable conjunction of mind, word, and meaning... 2day i sat around listening to phillep glass and reading poetry. I was in search for souls in as much agony as i. If only i were as delicate and gracefull as they can be. But my mind reads like the jagged edge of ginsbergs thoughts of his mother or the dark lonely love of Plath. Psycho-babble is what i'm good for. No soft caresses of words, rather sharp stabs in the eye of the judging. like being trapped in quicksand, the more i struggle the deeper i go into deaths belly. labatomy my docters suggest, maybe some pills to injest. "i don't believe in karma because bad people get away with everything and the good get shat upon" Maybe i'd just wish karma to take its jaws and crush you whole out of my life. I think the morning dew of the poppy would be of ease to ween from its tit then it is for me to be from yours. placid ego awaits ejection from this rotted womb. press stop now.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 28th, 2006
4:21 pm	So going to the con was enlightening.... i guess i have a tallant to be able to speak about a broad range of topics. I find it funny that, though i'm writing a kids fantasy story - i'm sitting up late at night reading a biology book on the small cell evolotion from 1 billion to 400 million bc..... interesting stuff. hopefully my work will scream itself apart from the others - being that i think all the others pretty much don't get it. When ones heroes are dead - you end up trying to make up for the lost time and life they could be giving now... Current Mood: blah Current Music: small hum of a crappy wall AC unit.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:00 am	i'm afraid i might have music-ed myself to death. Most everything can't get a rise out of me. I think maybe in driving across the US i have damaged all care and reason with it... i can download and download all day and yet it doesn't kill this craving.... its all over produced, under produced, over fashioned to suit a stereo typical culture, or iy's loud off beat and shitty for the sake of underground hipness..... i know it's me though... i think Ever lie there in your own misery? Ever feel so full of chaos and hurt that death sounds like a peacefull escape. if not then well, you can't understand where i might come from at times. There are times when life is great, then there are these bitter moments. I have no friends in the true sense. I lost all hope in love in another life form. I'm glad to be out of the sickening grasp of some others - their mere presence just drains the wonder from life. And alas - to find myself alone and if not - surrounded by leaches. i could pick at the wound - it releaves it only to later have it infected. life can be like this. Its too bad its so rare to find people worth the lifes and air they breath. I try my best to make it worth living and yet it just brings me further from others i can relate to. kill me in the end - and just maybe it'll be that peace that i've fought in life for... Current Mood: sad Current Music: The Legendary Pink Dots (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
4:16 am	wait a minute..... my future goals might not be to wild..... hmmmmm, nvr mind - i don't want anyone stealing my idea......oh what i have instore for this world... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
4:00 pm	oh - ho hum jeesh - i don't use lj too much anymore - but i had to axe some of those damn groups. jeesh, some of those ppl - i dunno why i never dropped the group earlier. ah yes - most of my life you guys don't care for. In the end we wish to be entertained, no? alas - i am not your entertainer for in fact it is i who wishes to be entertained - hence i don't use lj much anymore - it's so flat and out of date. May i suggest to you all to make a personal webpage? if you get on it now and learn your stuff - you can profit from this trend very easily. You can pirate these programs - macromedia studio and Adobe suite. hefty downloads but maybe you know someone who knows someone that just might have a copy handy ;) yes - then read up (oh shit - this is the hard part) yes - sometimes you need to read things in order to learn. omg! hehe no no no - your not all idiots - it just amuses me to find how lazy people are these days. If they could get all their information or rather even entertainment through a massive enema 3 times a day - i'm sure it'd be all the craze. so yes - till i feel a pinch to write or check whats up on the ol lj - peace - i shall probably be killing myself slowly by watching the pathetic dance that is myspace and hopefully i'll even get a chance to work on my webpage Current Mood: amused Current Music: Hungry Lucy (Comment on this)
Monday, May 15th, 2006
11:26 pm	Day by Day The only difference between and mad man and me is that i am not mad! ~Dali Ello, how is everyone? I'm studying sum art today, listening to New Order. I've been running into alot of good music lately. Placebo, Tool, Flaming Lips, Red Hot Chili Peppers - they all have new new cds! I like how a good new cd makes yu feel a bit more into the future. There was a bit there where it felt time was stuck in mud. It's weird though. I feel out of touch with the hip. I guess my interests were in the stream of fad for a bit and now i've just become my own little beasty. hehe. Kids these days and all their fucking glam @___@ if you guys want to study some interesting compositions - i've found Poussin and Puvis De Chavannes are pretty good. They lay down alot of arrangements that others have long time copied. Who knows - even they prolly stuck with what struck them the most - even if it was inspired by another. Inspiration is good - theres much to be learnt from what it is that fascinates us. One day i hope i can achieve fascination upon others ^_^ good feedback does well to fuel the creatively inclined. Till next time - get something done with yer life =p (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
3:15 am	Chapter - Concerns and late night thoughts. man, so is it just me or is the world going tipsy tervy. All these bad things are happening lately and people seem to be getting deeper into troubles, pain, and just overall emotional disarray. I have rescently broke up- so have others. It also seems like people are getting quicker to be a jerk, think badly about a stranger, and just out right be selfish and greedy. I don't want this, i highly doubt to many people do either. What the fuck is up here? (Terrence Mckenna would often speak as this time being over toxicity for the fetus in this biosphere) I can sit away as a hermit - trust me i have the books and the enjoyment of drawing to keep me humble - but wtf - the world outside seems grim. Is it money issues - factoring of economic change. Political tension? We very well might be facing the changes the dark ages saw - but it really could be worse. What happened that was signifigant then was the information explosion due to the printing press - but now we have the computer age, and a new age pf weaponry, travel, a just overall technological explosion with a global identity being defined. Look at this. We have an economy being outright raped by crooks and capitalists and it seems the populace is either playing the denial, brainwashed, or helpless act when this does not occur without every ones involvement upon some level or another. It will be lookt back upon one day. We've all become separate while converging at the traits of selfishness, hate, and utter confusion. I do believe in the school of optimism - yet self rightious blindness will not let me bleach out the stains upon this fuckt up canvas. There are alot of really neat movement going on. Voices loudly speaking out and people uniting against the propaganda spoiled televised lie. There are many things to be happy with. This is just a moment of concern for me. and emotion - no not like that shit sold on the market (emo)- lol, more like real emotions. Television is seeking a war over the peoples minds. People can be manipulated. People have been throughout history. Do you want to be a slave. We must all work and carry our weight - but less we not be carrying the load of the cancerous tumors called fat cats and big money hustlers. Do you want a rule of law by the people? Education should be a powerful concern, as well as health. The economic system should not be rampant and raped by the written laws in favor of capitalist hosts. Religions are to be good people and to be good to other people no matter their belief - nor does it allow war. Killers - killing creates more killing. Guns, Oil, SUV's, Fast food, and all in one stores. There once was a dream alive in people to create a unified Utopia - and it could of been done. Where do our objectives go. When did architecture of the people turn to fascist faceless, cold prisons in which efficiency was the goal - what sells goes. Totalitarian objects obviously in the ideals of the neocons - and so it has come from being a threat to now a mistake. How long must the cancer run through the body before it'd decided to amputate. Or have our apocalypse starved zealots want this - this catastrophe to prove thier prophecy and lore. Rule by fear - as fear is the mind killer. Intelligence - it has failed the masses. Soulless apathy. Greedy and wrathful pigs produced by inbreed family dynasties that once sucked on the tit of domination. One day you will all die - i will too - can you die fully conscious of all your experience - or will you have to edit in those final moments - cutting out the bruises in the fruit - cutting out the spirit of life - the good and the bad. It hurts to live just as much as it feels fucking great. Ah - life. I could never imagine i'd be surrounded with magical tools for my art and living. This pc and internet blogging experience. All of it - this state of being. I love it - and what do i have - stripped bare of all this material wealth. I cherish my memories. My ability to think, reason, and philosophize. Such a complicated world if you want to understand. I'm sure life can be alot easier - maybe alot less stressing and thought intensive in some other line of being - belonging and reacting with a mass - or doing what is marketed as a good life. but this is the good life - to be free to say things that deep down you feel and things that we've learned and unlearnt - and put to the light of debate to find truth. To be reborn several times like the legendary phoenix - just as nature and time reshapes landscapes and lifes. My life could be so much worst. I can never give back enough to all the great treasures that i find and new lands to be traveled to and even more so - all the beautiful people. Money should have to be deserved - i do not think this occurs correctly in life - but money isn't the best thing in life - but in this world it costs to live - and if you can't pay the piper, he sure loves shitting in your bowl of fruit loops. damn him... till next time people - till next word packed chapter of Davids psycho-babble and discussion - be good ^_^ and post up some thoughts you voyeurs. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
10:23 am	i miss the easy life... actually - i don;t think life has ever been easy. I was born choking to death by my own umbilical cord - and from there life just seemed to be a downward spiral. School - its here - one track mind - get this done and then what - i can't think too much about the what - and if i just get my shit done - maybe i can ignore all the hate, anger, and pain inside me from this bitter feud with mindy. "Change is always there" well, she changes as often as the seasons do - and full of chatastrophic weather events as well. The girl i love is dead. The bitch in her body is not the one i has so many great years with. Her mind and her thoughts are all fucked up, though she'd denie it. I never knew someone to edit what they hear on the spot like her - in order to write the script of her choosing. So many issues arrive from this. but alas - these are my own ordeals. I gave up on love once - maybe more then that - being with that two faced bitch will do that i guess. She totally loves too how shes getting everyone she knows to sympathize with her side of whatever the story is. i don't care anymore - i'm trying not to. Every night that she spends till 6am chatting with myspace dickheads - she has a webcam too - so quickly to be a slut like her sister. She would never even stay up past 2am with me - and yet the whole time it was just her want to escape this relationship she secretly hated. Why then - why the fuck move in with me. Why fuck with me. Why waste my time. The character she casts herself in via ego is this caring - sensitive - loving outgoing girl - when in truth she stayed home all the time cause she had so many evil thoughts and could only focus on the downside to everyone. She gives to receive - and most of all - her heart is twice more fuckt up then her mind - but i guess no catscan could show her that. i'm done venting - this is what i do. i have shit to say - i fucking say it. i don't care what you guys think - and some of you might respect the honesty and point of view. I hope to get out of this slum - because it's eating away at me. Current Mood: crushed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
5:35 pm	Moving to chinatown, part 2... thank u, thank u.... first, i must apologize to my mother - i called her up and left a really good message pertaining to the info i wrote you guys yesterday. She freakt out and called all the family and her friends.... around 8 yesterday i started getting a load of calls - i think i got about 5 death threats when i brought their attentions to the date....April first... YOU FOOLS, rofl omg, srry guys, but it was all an elaborate hoax, and i managed to do it this year on a descent scale via myspace, livejournel, deviant art, oh - and my mom.... Yes, yes - but you know - a quick lesson in fools - In the old days a fool was considered a well off one - For fools may be there to make mistakes, but only in making mistakes do you grow and learn from them all ;) so be fools friends and family, be fools for the month of April - and good things shall come yer way!!! Current Music: Cake (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 1st, 2006
5:07 pm	Later Amerikans - Hello China!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!! I'm moving to Shanghai China!!! omg, i can't believe this....I'm so super excited, sorry guys, i love you and all, but this job is amazing. For the last year I've been posting my resume online for international jobs - and for the last month I've been talking with Scott from Warner Bros. International, they've offered to pay off all my school debt, all the necessary citizenship costs (duel), and i get to OWN my very own studio flat in their building - which just happens to be downtown Shanghai....!!! have you guys seen this city - it's the mecca of cities. i can't believe it - i can only imagine what some of you might be thinking - but if you know me - you know i've been trying to get out of the states for some time now. bah, i really really am going to miss you and really really going to miss my ferrets... damnit. But this is one epic opportunity i could NOT pass, i'm sure you guys will all understand. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
2:06 am	My muses have me slaving today... hmmmm... working hard today. i did some studies, finished some inking, and for the last 6 hours which have seemed to last forever - i've been roughing up pages for my comic book. Damnit, it's hard. I'm having a hard time with the beginning of my story. Just what to have, what not to have. I've come to the decision that my first story is going to take place over 4 graphic novels. one thing thats been bugging me is what shall i do for senior project. I want to be able to get a job when i get done, as soon as possible.... at the same time i want to make my comic. I'm worried that maybe it'll be to boring to outsiders, it may not be anywhere as interesting as i picture it in my head. It's hard to keep people glued to a comic book for long it seems. Brief outline - My story is called Coma Dreamland. It's a coming of age story, like many that i enjoy (Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, The Dark Crystal) but it has it's own twists. The story is based around my main character - Adam. He's a sixteen year old boy in school, he's sort of the reclusive troubled type. Adam just hasn't been the same since a car accident a few years back. Later on, after a series of things happen - he awakes to find himself in an alternate world. A world from which he has dreams of, a world of which he obsessively draws from (this is the whole of the first book) We come to find Adam is in a coma, induced by a series of events in book one. Adam doesn't know this, but soon he finds himself on an adventure. Adam must travel back to his comatose body, but to do this he will need to venture to the temple of the dreamer, otherwise - a spreading darkness that nears everyday - will consume this fantasy realm, along with Adams life on the other end. Any thoughts out there? Any questions, suggestions, comments? It'll probably be hard to get any publisher to want to get involved with a lengthy story - if all else fails i will self publish. But i've been working on this conceptual idea since i was a child. This book is also the beginning to other story arcs afterward. As far as jobs - well, you all know - jobs aren't easy to come by. Sooon what i've worked hard for is going to need to start working hard for school loans, lol (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
12:07 am	Cocacola...yup mmmm, a fresh new Clove cigarette... The momentum of the future barrels closer with every blink, every new morning where i find myself in the same prison i've built. I'm working up my plans for my book. Soon i'll be in classes again next week and i hope it's a nice song for this last dance. Soon i'll be naked and alone in a wilderness. One of primal man and his sophisticated chaos ~ an entangled mess that often chokes the soul out of life. Another moon, listening to plastikman, sounds bouncing through my cranium.... calculating the windspeed, direction, and descent from this plateau. Maybe my dreams will reveal something more then erotic blanketing, but the ones, those ones i hunger for - come so randomly. What do people want anymore that they don't have. Freedom - it'd be nice to be free of ones prison. When i speak these ways, i am not sad nor blue... but for some this is melancholia that kills ignorance they blissfully drown in. At some of my most humble moments i found others in discomfort for me....why? An evolution of confused society, did we know more as children and now know less of life when we grow into this mass machine. "We must put ourselves between the gears of this machine"...."Can't stop this fucking machine, It's tearing me down to what it wants me to be"...."It's the ghost, the ghost in the machine" ....somewhere over the rainbow my friends Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Plastik (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
5:41 am	i am... drunk you have no clue how many back spaces this entry took...and it's all to say.... OJ is good, americans are bad, and Biran is a Byathc....only he would understnatd...yes say V is for vendetta - i give it 3 thumbs up. LJ - and i are friends. together we are losers. i raise a glass to the losers - and FUCK the ones that are oblivious to such a space to express oneself. actually, i don;t know what i speak of, but happy days to you.... no days happy in the name of some saint, i don't have faith in saints.... only good friends, good sex, excellent reads, and the ocasssional good tv or holywood move.... goodnight and goodluck amerika (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
10:46 pm	oh yes, almost forgot - World of Warcraft SUCKS (your soul) .... so i guess that's ok for most of you. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:25 pm	ah yes, just got back from dancing of the bellies.... very strange.... it could be me, but it seemed like a very weird crowd. like a lvl of sexuel frustration, sexuel repression, and voyeurism... i could just feel that eminating from the audiance, and i could even see it in the small groups facial expressions and stiffness. i dunno how to explain it, but i've had this ability to feel off energies from ppl... when i was studying chakras once i found that each chakra has it's own special power if one were to have alot of energy in one. It stuck me amazing to find that my dominate chakra (2nd/ water) corelated with this ability of feeling others feelings.... hmmm so yes, i think i'll be drawing tonight. i'm in a little bind - as i invision my future i see a knot in my path at the moment. muddled choice - i'm not sure right now just which direction i want to go with my art. there are alot of different fields i can go into and now the pressure is on to decide what to focas my on coming classes on (it's self directed to an extent) anyway, i should figure it out, but till then i shall DRAW!!! and have dreams about room fulls of beautiful woman, yes *grin* Current Mood: very CAFFEINATED Current Music: Siouxie and the Banshees (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
10:43 am	mwuhaha.... i so don't use LJ much anymore, sad. i'm too busy watching myself lose my girlfriend to douchebags on myspace. yes, thus making her a whore bag i cannot understand or wish to anymore. btw, i luv woman. yes, the female.... i draw them alot. well, i can only take so much of their insanity, but beauty is definetly belonging to the woman of this earth (minus savannah - the bitches here are stale - like 2 month old open cheetos) so anyways - i use to have to mind the fact that mindy got jealous when i did my female nude studies.... you know what - fuck it now! hell, any descent looking fems want to pose?! lol, i'm having a bitch of a time finding pictures of normal body types. it seems nudeness only comes in one size - whore, as far as the internet is concerned. which brings me to my final words - wtf - who enjoys porno of girls that are just blasted with a gallon of sperm.... this world never ceases to amaze. Current Mood: drugz Current Music: Mind.In.A.Box (5 Comments |Comment on this)